Say what?!?

I have been wrong about a lot of things lately, it's as if my knowledge is diminishing. Where is it all going to? Am I getting old already? How can I plan on a career in Academia if I have no knowledge. My supervisors and art history colleagues keep telling me - "No one will know more about your groups than you by the time you finish" is that true? I question my knowledge and interpretations over and over all the time. Did they actually intend it this way, did they see political art this way, did they consider themselves political, am I reading too much into it, will I actually know everything???? My head is about to explode!

I had a very interesting conversation or discussion with two PhDs today, about what art actually is - and they were wondering if I was gonna tackle it in my thesis...seriously people that question, the 'what is art' problem, is way too generic and open ended to fit into my thesis. It is a thesis in itself - and I love that sweet 'problem', I always have. Five years ago when faced with an undergraduate dissertation I considered whether or not I could grasp it...I decided against it in the end. Not because I was scared, but because it was too big a job for an undergraduate thesis of only 15.000 words. I told myself one day I would have the courage and ambition to do it, to try to answer that question that everyone asks you as an art historian or artist. I still don't have more of an idea about it, however, I have during the coffee-break today found myself a base for my argument, somewhere to start. The creative idea and the conceptualising of that idea is the basis of all artistic endeavours - in my humble opinion. And yes I believe everyone could be an artist, yet so few will.

when it rains I get sentimental

So I am sitting here it's almost mid-day and I have done none of the things I wanted to: not gone into the office yet (hey it's raining), not started transcribing my Swedish interviews, not packed my bag with gym clothes, not printed out the form for the Norwegian Funding body telling them I have actually been a student here for yet another academic year, not applied (although in vain) for funding for next year, not moved my ass out of the sofa...the list goes on and on really. So I sit here and write about it instead, wow that's procrastination for ya!

I have, however, seen the little kitten that my new crush has given a good home after finding it abandoned. At the moment he is far away, Athens Greece to be exact, 'having a holiday from the holiday' as he put it. The parents must be delighted that he's brought home yet another lost animal, apparently they have a garden full (15 cats and 3 dogs), which must be a handful especially when the zoo-keeper has taken up residence elsewhere. Lucky for me though! So through the wonders of Internet I saw both him and the kitten today, they were both cute, and it was good to see him, although, the quality of a webcam makes people look kinda sick (don't know if it's the grey-tones or what). I haven't seen him in a week, so it was about time. Even though, the kitten was the excuse. Now only about a week and a half to go...waiting, working ... oh yes working!

I have a deadline for the 1st of July, and as it is now I have to work my ass off to make that happen, but I will make it happen...My sis is coming on the 3rd so can't be busy catching up with work when she arrives. Oh it will be good to see her again! Hopefully the sun will make an appearance too, that would be good at least.. Any suggestions to what we shall do for her stay, with our base in St Andrews, Scotland of course? Maybe the ex-husband will be able to be the driver too and we can go places....mwuhaaa We'll see what happens, all I know is that it will be great to see her and spend some sisterly time together - without 'the parents'. However, the oldies will arrive about 4 days after she's left, basically July is family month for me. I am not complaining, as I haven't seen them as much as I used to before I left, obviously being in a different country kinda doesn't help doooo! I love them, but I am sure by the end of July I will be screaming for a little me, myself and I time.

I think I was not meant to do a PhD, I have no self-discipline and I am essentially, if left on my own for too long, a very lazy person. Maybe it is as everyone tells me, the wall, the PhD-block, the one everyone hits. The wall on which you start wondering if you should write 'art is nothing, art is everything' - or just give up this project and let everyone down. That's not a real possibility! I love my topic, but at the moment I have lost all inspiration. I have a quite self-destructive nature, as well, so I sit and wonder at great length whether or not I am intelligent enough to understand my topic fully, if I am smart enough to be able to make it any good - to be revolutionary! To be what I so wish I could be, I doubt myself over and over. Spend my time on that rather than just getting on with it...ok here goes!

Welcome to Scandinavia

just a little note from the trip back home

Sitting on the train, outside my window the dark sky bleakens the landscape. The train is caught between fog and open landscape with lurking threatening clouds. Listening to Interpol, suddenly aa aha aa aha - Garbage Untouchable, 'no one is untouchable.' In some places the clouds are touching the ground, incorporating every little thing, houses, sheep, everything. The Scot next to me is talking on the phone. I continue reading Berger's Art and Revolution.
I was told today that Socialism in Britain started in a small town on the Clyde, i.e. here in Scotland. There's something working class about all Scots - it might be the fact that most Scots are!? The rich, the upper class, has always been English here - well times they are'a changing. Many might laugh at the SNP, but not me. I think it'll be good for Scotland - I say this with absolutely no knowledge of their policies (I mean are they right or left?).
We pass through a forest whist Kaizer Chiefs ask 'What did I ever give you?' I look up and we have entered a town, Stonehaven. The station looking new and polished with flowers planted in pretty little wooden barrels, but just behind the newly painted picket fence council housing rises. An elderly woman with a baby(probably her grandson/daughter) points and waves at the train as it passes by.
The fog has created a tunnel surrounding the train. Next stop Aberdeen. N.e.x.t. s.t.o.p. A.b.e.r.d.e.e.n.
A little rabit jumps into the bush, startled by the passing monster. Lynn's cousin lives around here - HELLO! If it wasn't foggy I would see the North Sea once again before I board the plane. Looking at all the field I imagine what it looked like hundreds of years ago...maybe a thick forest of giant needle trees.
It seems colder.
The suburbs of Aberdeen, children playing surrounded by grey stone houses, its all grey now in the fog. We enter the commercial area, are we there already? The harbour is right next to the station, seagulls are begging for food.
I have to get off, we've arrived.

Women In Art

Here is an example of the male view of art and art history in general - as far as I could see there are no female views of the female in here.