Say what?!?

I have been wrong about a lot of things lately, it's as if my knowledge is diminishing. Where is it all going to? Am I getting old already? How can I plan on a career in Academia if I have no knowledge. My supervisors and art history colleagues keep telling me - "No one will know more about your groups than you by the time you finish" is that true? I question my knowledge and interpretations over and over all the time. Did they actually intend it this way, did they see political art this way, did they consider themselves political, am I reading too much into it, will I actually know everything???? My head is about to explode!

I had a very interesting conversation or discussion with two PhDs today, about what art actually is - and they were wondering if I was gonna tackle it in my thesis...seriously people that question, the 'what is art' problem, is way too generic and open ended to fit into my thesis. It is a thesis in itself - and I love that sweet 'problem', I always have. Five years ago when faced with an undergraduate dissertation I considered whether or not I could grasp it...I decided against it in the end. Not because I was scared, but because it was too big a job for an undergraduate thesis of only 15.000 words. I told myself one day I would have the courage and ambition to do it, to try to answer that question that everyone asks you as an art historian or artist. I still don't have more of an idea about it, however, I have during the coffee-break today found myself a base for my argument, somewhere to start. The creative idea and the conceptualising of that idea is the basis of all artistic endeavours - in my humble opinion. And yes I believe everyone could be an artist, yet so few will.

Life passes by on the street while we sit and drink coffee

I wish I had lots of things to write, interesting stuff about my life, about Scotland, about anything...The past week has been one of my busiest since I came back here. And at the same time not, as I've been sick, hate being sick! The St Andrews University Boxing Club had its annual Fight Night last Thursday, so I've been busy with that - and the night was a success, SOLD OUT! It was great! But it left me very very tired, and the weekend hadn't even started...Friday: celebrating a belated birthday with the Greeks - wow those guys can really drink, dance and party! Saturday: Lynn and I hosted yet another party, with a surprise visit from Glasgow! A lot of Mango Absolute was consumed and a huge amount of ass shaking was done - in other words a very good party! Sunday: Greek Easter! Being hungover and tired I still made it to the beach for some sun and a great deal of Greek entertainment...in the shape of bbq, dancing and lots of Ouzo (not for me but for most of the male population there). So all in all I am knackered...and the week hasn't even started.
Lynn got the job! She's leaving the cold North for the not as cold South of this giant Island we live on. Exeter better be prepared that's all I have to say about it! Now I just have to finish and get a job...well there's still some time, maybe...

Back at the beginning

At home preparing to go out, yet again, tonight. Being girly, Lynn and I are doing anything and everything to beautify ourselves: face-masks, eyebrow plucking, nails etc. Why do we do it? Is it for us, for our self-esteem or is it for them, the other girls, the men, to be attractive? Are we not attractive enough just as we are, without make-up, without cleavage, without toned bodies? How much does personality have to say about what we find attractive? Many years ago I met a guy, an Italian, who all my female friends fancied, but I never ever found him attractive. It was all down to personality, he was a sleaze, typical Italian stallion. He was always womanising always looking for a new girl to seduce, to get into bed. That really turned me off, he was a nice guy to me, as a friend, but I hated his first-contact personality. It shined through whatever he did. There have been other examples too, of someone's personality putting me off..is it just me? I don't know what I am trying to say here, I get lost easily today. Lost in my own thoughts, must be the alcohol from last night slowing my brain down. Last night was fun btw - lots and lots of dancing, ass dancing as Elin would say, R'n'B dancing. Anyway rant over... Erica's birthday will be celebrated tonight, with Thai food and cocktails, it'll be GREAT! So I have to go

I told u so

I'm back in Scotland again and what a shock - the temperatures are freezing and the sun is too shy to look at the Scots pale bodies to even peek out from behind the clouds. Also everything has changed here...its only been half a year, but it's changed. New structures, new stores, new people... I guess I can't expect it to stay the same forever, but hey this is just too much for me to take in. This little village on the cliff is usually so beautiful and peaceful, but without the weather to brighten it up it feels like autumn, except for the golfers and the lack of students... I hear that Norway has summer while I'm away - oh how I wish I was a Goddess right now. I would just redirect the sun in my direction and make it warm up my shivering body. Although its cold I have good friends to warm my heart, and how I've missed them. They are all so welcoming and happy to see me, why did I ever move? Oslo is good, but all of the friends I had before I spent these six years in the UK have all disappeared - well I guess there are a couple who will always be there, to be fair they have to be mentioned. However way I look at it though my friends here (Scotland) are the best! They always make me feel special and welcome and they are not as timid as many Scandos are - I miss them a lot. It is hard to move to a different country all by yourself, but as I have found out even more difficult to move back to a country which was your home for twenty years to find you feel lonely without the people you left behind. I am stuck in my flat (of choice) working most of the days and since I don't have a university/school/job to go to I meet no one but the people I meet through my best friend. Nothing wrong with them and nothing wrong with her - we are just different people...if that makes sense without hurting anyone's feelings? I need intelligent conversation about the news, the world, art...So I miss being here, miss having people around me that appreciate me for who I am and not the clothes I wear. Norway is sooooo superficial, fashion means too much - either you follow the latest trends meticulously or you don't, and if so you have to have a clearly defined one for it to 'work'...Maybe I'm the one who's superficial - I just don't feel at home in my own city anymore! I think I might have made a mistake moving back...hssss don't tell my parents! When on that subject, my father seems to be very happy I've moved back. I did miss my parents a lot, but I guess I didn't actually miss the country that much...I mean it's great compared to a lot of other places, but the people can sometimes be too posh, stuck up, timid, full of fear of what they don't know...and what bugs me the most hung up on skiing!
I just wanted to say that I am glad people are different all over the world, and I am glad I have so many good friends that I know I can always count on. I am glad I am here so that I can see you all and feel encouraged and appreciated and snuggling warm inside in your company. I miss you guys - I really do!