Those places that we knew

The drive down to Copenhagen from Skåne reminded me enormously of what has been. Last time I was on this road I was with him, last time I saw that bush, that tree, that road sign I was with him. Last time I was on this boat he was tired, tired from driving, moody as always, but happy to return to his homeland yet again. The emotions grew and grew inside me, the torment of what had been, the sadness of what is now, right up until I caught myself mid-way, stopped myself from thinking those thoughts.

You have been down this highway before without him, seen these trees, the landscape has been the same since you were a kid and it will stay the same long after he is forgotten, long after you have been forgotten.

The streets are laid bare with memories, that's where we sat, that's where we kissed, that's were we fought. Last time I slept in this bed was next to him, in his arms, but restlessly so. At midnight we fought then we slept. My heart is almost healed, but then I approached this city again. I saw that things had not changed, but I have and so has he. Yet these streets, open empty places, the room, the bed will remind me of him. Copenhagen isn't the same as it was before him. However, I still see myself situated permanently here one day, now not with him, but alone. It will still bring joy to my heart when the sun shines on my face and my family is near. Just not right now, maybe next time, maybe without him in my heart.

Illness anger

I hate men, they upset me - especially certain men, the heartbreaking kind. The one's that thinks its ok to leave you with a flat that you bought together, when he knows you can't afford to keep it and he thinks its acceptable to leave you with nothing, not even a penny. He thinks its ok because he couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to not have to feel bad about himself, he didnt want to change, he wanted to stay a little boy forever. Well, let's put it this way you have managed to prove that last bit by running away from your responsibilities... I don't get how men just move on after a break up, the next day they are all happy and living their lives as if nothing happened, although when in a relationship they always need a lot of attention all the fucking time, and reassurance...a lot of reassurance. But when its over, it's over no looking back no heartache. Why do I have to feel so bad right now, why can't he, I am the one that has to do something, finish something, use my brain! It is soooo unfair, it's such a bad time for me right now, why now? Couldn't he have done it during the summer at least, so that the warm weather might cheer me up and the sun warm my body, rather than the cold winter winds making me sick and the heating in my room not even close to heating the room up, not even close to warming the pieces of my broken heart.
How much does a person hate you when they leave you in financial despair, unable to work properly because work means using ur brain, and still has the guts to say that it will pass with time and they still love you???
I hate you for making me this unhappy, and being happy for you!