unproductivity levels are up

I am going crazy - someone tell me what to do! Someone help me be productive, be what I can be, be me without you. Be a whole person all the time, not just part of the time. Be alone yet happy. Be unhappy yet ok without you. Teach me how to be without it, be without the need of someone there, someone to hold me at night and kiss my forehead before I fall asleep. Why do I have this need to fill my life with need? With another person, with passion. Passion for them and not myself, who is taking care of me? I am trying to, trying to guard my heart from further destruction, it is too early! I need space, I need time to breath, yet I long for his voice, or maybe it's just anyone's voice, anyone's arms, anyone's kisses. I want to feel free, but again and again I seem to be pulled in by this need to be loved and adored. However, this time I think I have come to the wrong place. I have hit uncertainty, the vast big empty space of darkness. Somebody tell me how to find my own feelings in this untidy mess that is my mind.