Lack of sleep

I couldn't sleep last night (or this morning), at first I was afraid I wouldn't wake up in time for the arrival of the painter, then I started thinking. All the thoughts took shape one after the other, all the things I need to do before I move, all the things that await me across the North Sea, expectations, pressure, and then always the same longing and darkness - the what if's! But mainly my mind was preoccupied with the stress and pressures of teaching again. Will I be better this time, will my students like me, will they understand that the discipline is for their own good? Nah... My brain doesn't work today, too tired to even feel the pain I have carried for the past weeks, which is actually good! On the other hand not so good for my packing. It hasn't really been going so well, I wonder why, ok let's be honest I know why, but I never expected it to be this hard. And all the crap, all the stuff you keep for years because you might just need it one day. Well that day will never come and I need to get rid of it - maybe today is the day that I will actually be able to start the serious packing, too tired to feel any emotional connections with those pieces of junk. Just maybe