life in the village will go on

I guess I should post something just to let people out there know I am still alive..well barely. My heart and body is filled with a deep sorrow I did not expect, a feeling of loss and absolute longing, as if someone has died. No one has, it is only the boy that has exited my life as swiftly as he entered. And there is no knowing if we will ever meet again. I thought I would be ok with it, maybe sad for a couple of days, but not this hole where my heart and stomach used to be. I thought I had not let myself fall, not let myself forget that this day would come. Yet here it is and I feel empty, I don't feel alone again, which is always good, but a piece of me is missing. Time will heal me I am sure of it, I have no choice. I really didn't expect to feel this way, I guess I was fooling myself a bit, or let's say a lot! What hurts a lot right now is the knowing he will return to his home country and his waiting life, the one that has been on hold for his stay in the UK. He will swiftly forget about me and our six months together, he will return to the past and continue it into the future. Hopefully I have given him something that he will carry with him for the rest of his life, but it hurts to know that it will not be to my benefit. Someone else will feel his love, although, I was never sure he felt anything like that towards me. Maybe it is best never knowing, maybe it is best to consider he didn't - that I just filled a void for a while in her place. The one that is his future, the one that has been waiting for him. The one I can never be.