Leave the heart on the shore I'll pick it up later

What defines a relationship? Is it the ties between two people, the shared emotions, the convenience, the lust of the other, the friendship, the spiralling nausea, the butterflies that grow and build up to become a storm, the need for another? It's hard to say really, I think most of the time relationships are defined by others, by the fact that people keep asking you about the other person. Where is .... How is .... When will .... you fuck off and leave me alone in my own pool of smelly newly found puppylove - let me find out myself who and what, let me decide if I want to live in the cloud of baby pink until I realise it won't work, don't push me into the abyss on my own by your stupid questions. Let me find out how I feel before you decide for me, before you give me the role of partner, of other half. What happens if I don't want to leave the pre-relationship stage, what if I want to stay here forever, never develop real love, never develop dependency, never feel vulnerable. Let me swim in the pool of uncertainty because the rejection or commitment is too great for me, the weak nature of my behaviour will never forgive me if I give in to you - to your pressures to confirm. To become once again a part of something, again put my heart out to be stamped on by a big fluorescent sign stating 'out of order'. Let my twisted evils be tamed within my chest and not unleashed on some poor soul, who you, yes YOU, deemed to his death by being 'in a relationship', tortured by a broken mind.
Just killed a sailor with my cigarette.