Hurting people

What a shame that life can be so unfair and difficult sometimes. Other times it is deliciously enjoyable and delightful. We all make it what it is. It is up to us to make it better or worse. We are responsible for our actions, and responsible for others' happiness as well as grief. I have to take responsibility for my actions, just as you have to. No one is exempt from this, whatever one does in the world at one point or another our neighbour's well-being is left up to our strength of character. It is a difficult balance to keep sometimes, on a knife blade we balance the actions and words we spread. Not for one second can we let this slip, unfortunately it is when we are most relaxed that we forget to keep our tongue in check or our movements to a minimum. To make a person happy is as difficult as making a plant or flower grow, it needs time and a lot of nourishment. I hope and believe that I am a person who cares about others. I try hard to be open and good to all of my friends, no matter how long or how brief a meeting between two people - I try my best to make the world a better place for all around me. Sometimes I sacrifice myself for that, to please everyone, to make everyone happy other than myself. Therefore the pain I feel at times is kept for me only, my private misery, my private tears. I wear my heart on my sleeve, yet I try to make others not. I live my life without fear of bad things to come, but I am afraid to give in when someone is kind to me. I cannot believe fully that anyone in the world can love me truly, without alternative motives. I cannot let the guard down to let them into my heart, to be hurt later on - it is better to be cold than to be heartbroken. Yet I wear my heart on my sleeve for all of my friends, and when I hurt them by not thinking, by being weak and relaxed, it hurts me too much for words to state. Sometimes it is hard to tell the truth, but if you truly love someone it has to be done - and it cannot be easy or else there is nothing between the cold and you. There is nothing but an empty shell. Therefore I chose life with risk, with risk of hurting people, still risk of being happy and making other people happy.