26/04/2009

Sunday musings

We are all afraid of some thing or another. I am afraid of what lays ahead, what will come after and what I have to do. Others are afraid of commitment, to anything, be it relationship or work or just friendship. The 'real' world demands we be strong and face our fears everyday, yet we still fear the results that it will eventually bring, the change outside our control, the changes that happen within us. Still we carry on, we fight back. Either by taking big decisions and changing our path or small tiny steps towards a new, yet unseen, future.

We are lucky most of the time, in some way or other, life chooses our ways for us. We are lucky in the sense that we do not see much harm or evil, we do not cause much disappointment. However, once in a while we do make choices that make others suffer, and once in a while we have life deciding to make us suffer. Most of the time we then stand up straighter, face what we have to, just because there is no other choice. We must continue, we must be strong. Still we don't understand it. I don't at least. We just face our fears and move on, onwards to new fears, new decisions, new directions.

We count on the people around us to hold things together, but what a deceit that is. What an imaginary world based solely on other's capability to do what we expect of them, and do so to our own standards. I believe full heartedly in other people, I refuse to see evil in everyone. I respect and cherish whatever individuals share of themselves. I will not change. Believing in people is risky business, but out of ten there will always just be one that proves unworthy of my love and admiration. On the other hand, I have a hard time believing in myself, that is the tricky one. However I have not often gotten burnt, and I think I have my openness and honesty to thank for that. I do not pretend to be anything but what I am.

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