Monday on a Tuesday

There's an emptiness about the end of the year when you are single, one feels alone and longs for someone to hold close, someone to take care of, someone to take care of you. However, this line of thinking is dangerous when you live in a small hole like me, everyone suddenly holds that ability - that one special thing - which of course will make just you(in this case me) happy...you tread on weak ground, without a care in the world, because you think that this is it, this is the dream. BUT, yes big letters needed, its absolutely not! One lowers one's standards, one's expectations, one's hope's are lost, in this godforsaken place. This is when you know that it is time to exit, to leave quietly out the back door, sneaking away from those macabre choices one makes when trapped. I am doing just that, soon, very soon, rejoining the urban masses in a bigger place, in a Scandinavian place. To recharge, reconsider and hopefully return refreshed with my 'old' sight back. My happiness not dependent on so many external factors, so many viewpoints. Refreshed and blank, like a primed canvas, filled with nothing but energy to work - to finish - so that I can rejoin once again the urban masses, i.e.. leave this forgotten place forever. Right now I am weak, I need to be stronger, I need to not care - so that I can lock myself up with my thesis, until it is done! This is my only Christmas wish.