troubled night

imogen heap - hide and seek

I wish I could be there to give you a hug right now, tell you everything will be OK, everything will become normal again. Maybe one day I will be able to give you that hug, maybe one day I will be there when you need me, but I guess that day is not here yet. Maybe I am not there yet? who knows, not me that is for sure. Everyday I think of you, everyday you are on my mind, all of you. My heart beats for you yet I want it to stop it will not. It cannot. It pains me though it keeps me alive, I feel something and it is better than nothing. The days grow shorter and so my heart feels emptier and my mood changes with the days - each day a relief from the pain that consumed me. Replaced by an never ending sadness for my lack of control and my lack of dignity. Who will I be once I have forgotten myself? I will change like the seasons, but as of yet my darkness has yet to completely disappear. At the bottom of my heart, underneath the happiness, a sadness lays waiting for the storm that has yet to reach me, you will not leave me here alone will you? I have no one else to take care of, who will take care of me in the end? Who will take care of you? I guess that will not be me right now, will there be a future where I can give back what you have given me by bringing me here to this desolated spot, probably not. We go on in a wast sea of insecure confidence, please don't let the water take me. I am not a viking of old I cannot build ships so that I can float. Leave me here though on the island of misbehaviour and I will see pleasant things again. Through my own eyes I will experience the joy of other people, hopefully you can too. I long for the first time, yet I cannot have it. I long for peace, yet I cannot have it. Help me to do what I was set to do, let me believe in something in me that has been lost for a long time. Let me become who I should be. Don't pain me with stories of misery and adolescence I can not bear it any more. Take it away, rip out my heart and let me see it in your hands before I die. Take care of my family they need it so, take care of my friends they need you now, although, they might not know it. The smile on my lips comes from depressing music and it will not make me happy.